AGE 2 TO 3 YEARS: COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT

Think back to your child's infancy and the early toddler months. That was a time when he learned about the world by touching, looking, manipulating and listening. Now the learning process has become more thoughtful. His grasp of language is increasing and he's beginning to form mental images for things, actions and concepts. He also can solve some problems in his head, performing mental trial-and-error instead of having to manipulate objects physically. And as his memory and intellectual abilities develop, he'll begin to understand simple time concepts, such as "You can play after you finish eating."

Your toddler also is starting to understand the relationship between objects. For instance, he'll be able to match similar shapes when you give him shape-sorting toys and simple jigsaw puzzles. He'll begin to recognize the purpose of numbers in counting objects, especially the number 2. And as his understanding of cause and effect develops, he'll become much more interested in winding up toys and turning lights and appliances on and off.

If we were to single out the major intellectual limitation at this age, it would be your child's feeling that everything that happens in his world is the result of something he has done. With a belief like this, it becomes very difficult for him to understand correctly such concepts as death, divorce or illness without feeling that he played some role in it. So if parents separate or a family member gets sick, children often feel responsible.

Reasoning with your 2-year-old is often difficult. After all, he views everything in extremely simple terms. He still often confuses fantasy with reality unless he's actively playing make-believe. For example, a wonderful story from Selma Fraiberg's The Magic Years talks about parents telling their 2-and-a-half-year-old that they would soon be flying to Europe. With a worried look on his face, the little boy said, "But my arms aren't strong enough to fly." Therefore, during this stage, be sure to choose your own words carefully. Comments that you think are funny or playful, such as "If you eat more ice cream, you'll explode," may actually panic him because he won't know you're joking.